Natalie Wiles
Life is full of milestones, whether birthdays, marriage, the birth of a child or other significant events. Milestones are often also a time for reflection.
The phrase "mid life crisis" is often used and is full of negative connotations. However, is it really a negative thing to take stock of your life at different stages? One such consideration may be about your relationship.
It is natural to want different things as we reach different stages in life. Perhaps priorities have changed or are no longer aligned, the children may have grown up and moved out and responsibilities reduced. It may be that the mortgage has been paid and financial freedoms may have altered. It may be that you, or your spouse are going through health issues or changes such as the menopause which can have a significant impact upon wellbeing and could highlight any struggles within your relationship. It may also be that a culmination of factors and changes in life have made you re-evaluate your relationship and what you would like for the future.
Re-evaluation of priorities and needs at different stages of life is perfectly normal.
Divorcing at any age can feel daunting but perhaps particularly so in mid-life. It may be that you have had a long relationship and feel anxious about the future and worried about starting again. Ultimately this is an incredibly personal issue and everyone's circumstances are unique.
Going through a separation naturally creates feelings of worry about what life is going to be like moving forward. However, if you do reach the point of wishing to divorce it is really important that this is handled with care and consideration. It is an important decision that not only has huge emotional impact but also financial impact.
I set out below some key points that may be of particular relevance to those considering separation in mid-life.
The Court do not distinguish between contributions towards home life such as caring for any children of the relationship and financial contributions. They are viewed as equal.
Sharing of matrimonial assets is the starting principle but if needs cannot be met fairly by sharing of assets then the Court can depart from equality. This will be down to individual assessment in each case.
Pensions are incredibly important to consider. Pensions are often the biggest asset in a case and are the most overlooked. At mid-life a difference in pension provision can have huge impact upon income in retirement which can create unfairness. Different schemes can offer differing benefits and public sector schemes operate differently to standard occupational schemes. It is of vital importance to consider pensions fully as there is less time to build up pots before retirement.
Communication is really important. Maintaining good communication can really help in resolving matters in an amicable way. Further, it is important to remember that despite separating that yourself and your spouse may have children together (even if no longer dependant) and there may need to be some level of communication between you following the divorce.
Matters can be agreed amicably and this is encouraged. The process does not have to be adversarial and there are various tools to assist which include alternate dispute resolution, such as mediation, to see whether an agreement can be reached by consent.
Finally, it is sensible to take advice at a very early stage from a divorce lawyer so that conversations about how to move forward can progress in a structured and clear way. There are understandably high emotions at this time and it can feel incredibly overwhelming. Talking it through can really help to focus on the issues and set out a roadmap to resolution. Taking early advice can really help to shape conversations between you and your spouse and keep them on the right track from the outset as there will be a clearer understanding of potential outcomes and the processes involved.
These are of course emotionally difficult and potentially complex issues. There may be lots of advice from friends or family who have been through similar circumstances but it is important to consider that everyone's circumstances are different and what is right for others may not necessarily reflect what is best for you. In usual circumstances there is no need to rush into any decisions and you should take some breathing space to consider your next steps.